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Too Many Words

Like redundancies, excessive words impede understanding and readability. Here are two examples of "overstuffed sentences" and their remedied versions:

BLOATED SENTENCE: Studying advertising research findings leads one to believe that the most important factors in effectiveness are the quality of creative work and the readers' interest in the message.

REVISED SENTENCE: Research indicates that the most effective ads are creative and appeal to readers' interests.

BLOATED SENTENCE: Should you have the occasion to know of someone whose background configuration approximates the position spec­ifications above, we would welcome a recommendation from you or directly from the exploring individual.

REVISED SENTENCE: If you know of someone who qualifies for this job, please let us know or have the person contact us.