Health Fairs to Explain Benefits

That does the job of catching the editor's attention and summarizing the main point of the release. It also doesn't look much like the head­line the editor is likely to use on a story that runs one or two columns wide in a newspaper. So, if you have the time and patience, you'll try to offer a multi-line head similar to those used by the news media.

Here are some tries by various members of a public relations class, along with the instructor's comments:

Annual Health Fair to Benefit Boeing Employees

(Lines should be more balanced in length. "Benefit" is used in a different way from the body of the story, which talks about "employee benefits." Head sounds too general, and the word "annual" makes it mundane.)

Health Fairs to Be Held At Local Boeing Plants

(Acceptable, but ho-hum. "To be held" is an uninspired verb form that doesn't involve anyone.)

Boeing Employees to Explore Health Benefits at Fairs

(This one fits the model of the classic headline: noun and verb in the first line, and an explanatory phrase in the second line. "Employees explore" is active. Clear and concise.)

Alternate Health Plan For Boeing Employees

(Called a "label" head because it has no noun or verb. The story mentions alternatives to the standard health plan, but that fact is too complicated to be understood in a headline.)

Employee Benefits Department to Sponsor Health Info Fairs at Boeing Plants

(Too much information to absorb—heads should be brief. Focuses on the department rather than the employee—on the sender of the mes­sage instead of the audience for the message. "Sponsor" is an uninter­esting verb.)

Boeing Health Fairs to Help Employees in Making Choices

(Nice try, but ends up being unspecific, and it's complicated to read and retain the message. "Fairs/help" is a strange noun-verb combination.)

Boeing to Hold Health Fairs To Enlighten Its Employees

(Well-meaning, but puts the emphasis on the company's action and sounds condescending toward the employees. For all the verbiage, it doesn't get at the angle of employees making choices.)

Boeing Plants to Hold Health Fair

(Bare-bones. Splitting of verb between lines is a no-no, as would be a preposition at the end of the line. An editor might have to settle for this if the story called for a small one-column-wide head. But for the news release to carry such a condensed headline would be counterproductive.)

Come One, Come All to the Boeing Employee Benefits Health Fairs!

(Restrain yourself: public relations isn't the same as advertising. Cut the ballyhoo.)

Dateline

Start the story with a so-called "dateline" which, in most cases today, no longer carries a date as it did a century ago when news traveled slowly. The dateline today usually carries the name of the place where the release originates. (Note that the Neptune Swim Club release did not carry the optional dateline.)

While many newspapers will move the name of the town into the body of the story, others still prefer a dateline. Some organizations use boldface to highlight names of towns mentioned throughout the arti­cle—Green Bay, for example—not because they will appear that way in final print, but in order to highlight them for editors who skim through looking for local names and places. You can even re-fold a release and mark town names with color so that a mention of Belleville on the sec­ond page of a list of appointments or awards will jump right out at the editor of the weekly Belleville Bugle.